Parent+Communication

Parent Communication

The Zionsville community is unlike any with which I have ever been associated. Almost without exception, Zionsville parents possess a keen interest in education and, in many cases, they moved here as a result. Our community’s parents understand the value of education, tend to be well educated themselves, and have high expectations for their children.

Zionsville parents are supportive of their children. They generally make certain that their children do their homework before coming to school the next day, and many of them check it to make certain that it’s done correctly, and re-teach the material if it is not properly understood. When contacted about issues at school, most parents react positively, are truly concerned, and are appreciative that they have been apprised of the situation. These traits, when coupled with the talented instruction by the ZMS staff, create an educational outcome that is second to none.

However, parents’ genuine interest in education, their rich educational background, and a love for their child – though all positive characteristics – can create problems for the classroom teacher as well. Few people would feel comfortable questioning a doctor, lawyer, or engineer because most lack a background in their field; however, everyone has gone to school, and, as a result, nearly everyone has an opinion how a school or classroom ought to be run, and they are not always shy about sharing it. Add to that the fact that parents are obviously the foremost experts about their own child, and it is not difficult to imagine why some parents are eager to offer suggestions or question the way in which a teacher instructs their child.

This interaction can be very uncomfortable for teachers. When an instructor pours her heart and soul into planning and performing a lesson, it can be quite deflating and insulting to be questioned, and it is frequent that the teacher feels as if she has been attacked. The word “attack” is, of course, a dramatic and figurative one, yet because teaching is such an intimate and personal profession, it is difficult to accept this discourse in any other way.

The truth is, however, that the parents’ feelings are even more intimate. When they are moved to contact a teacher, it is often after an issue has bothered them for a while, and they pick up the phone when they can no longer stand it. It is in times like these that the teacher needs to focus on the fact that both teacher and parent hold the same interest – the student’s success. It is wise for the teacher to use this commonality to her advantage. The key is in communicating to the parents that both they and the teacher have the same goal, and that they must work together to achieve it.

This point is more difficult to make if the parents must make the first contact. Whether the issue is academic, behavioral, or a combination of both, it is always best when the teacher has established contact with the parents first. That does not mean that the rapport between parent and teacher is irreparable if parents must make the first move to establish contact; it is, however, more difficult to prove that more than lip service is being paid, and parents will generally remain skeptical until they feel that the teacher’s interest in their child is genuine.

So how, then, should a teacher go about establishing communication with parents? The methods are extensive, and no one has to utilize all of them. Many of them are strategies that can be used to communicate with parents en masse. E-mail groups and weekly updates are excellent methods to let parents know what activities are upcoming, what books they should be seeing brought home at night, what student planners should look like, and, perhaps most importantly, a way to see that the teacher cares for students and views parents as partners in the education of children.

E-mail’s efficiency is truly second to none. It does, however, have limitations. It has been my experience that kindness and e-mail often do not go hand in hand. What is difficult to say in person or on the phone is much easier to type in the privacy and protection of one’s home. For that reason, e-mail messages about sensitive situations tend to escalate the tension. It is wise to forgo e-mail and use the telephone or meet in person if the issue is sensitive. Such communication requires more courage, but arriving at a successful conclusion is much more likely.

Another helpful strategy to help teachers establish a positive relationship is to give parents a “Tell Me About Your Child” form to fill out at the beginning of the year. Not only does the teacher receive valuable information – not just about the child, but also about what is important to the parent – but, again, the parent feels like a participant and partner. Often, too, the parents will clue a teacher in if there have been difficulties in the past with another teacher. It is irrelevant if those issues resulted from a fault of the teacher or if the parents were at fault, but simply knowing that there was an issue lets the new teacher know that proactive communication will be especially helpful with that set of parents. Taking advantage of this information can result in the teacher being made a hero in the mind of the parent before a single lesson is taught. First impressions become the default belief and must be disproved before they change. Teachers who communicate well are innocent until proven guilty, teachers who do not are guilty until proven innocent. The choice is simple.

The more difficult question to answer is when to make contact. As previously stated, initial contacts are quite helpful and can be made to the entire group of parents simultaneously. There are some teachers who even go so far to call every parent (yes, 150 or more of them!) at the beginning of the year just to introduce themselves. But after the initial contacts, when does one know that it is time to call? The easiest two rules of thumb are these: 1) If it were my child, would I want to know? 2) The less appealing it is to make the call, the more likely it needs to be made. It is ignoring this second rule of thumb that creates the largest number of issues between parents and teachers. Misbehavior and academic woes tend to fester and escalate as the school year progresses. It is not unusual for a teacher to deal with a student’s misbehavior for an extended period of time thinking that it can be handled and improved without involving the parent. Unfortunately, when the teacher reaches the breaking point and simply wants to strangle the child (figuratively, of course☺), the parents have no idea that the child has misbehaved at all, and rather than be sympathetic for all the teacher has gone through, they become resentful because they weren’t notified. What began as noble intentions on the teacher’s part turns into a mess that is difficult to clean up. For this reason, I believe it is important to contact parents early and often. Some items that I believe require contact are:

1. missing assignments 2. a drop in one full letter grade 3. inattention or a student being overly social in class 4. excessive tardiness 5. any time a student has a recess detention, lunch detention, or after school detention 6. any time that a student is excluded from class

Perusing this list might cause one to think that good communication is time consuming and difficult. Let me be the first to admit that it is. I believe, however, that poor communication is also difficult – on everyone. It is detrimental to all involved, can become quite painful and embarrassing to the teacher, AND it’s completely avoidable!

I have no doubt that many good educators think that they did not get into education so that they could interact with parents. Goodness knows this is true for most, including yours truly. Considering this notion reminds me of the time my family went out to get a new puppy. We went to a farm where the most adorable chocolate labs were bred. My wife and I watched the little pups roll around in the grass with our two little boys, licking our boys’ faces while wagging their tails. We proudly brought the newest member of our family home and played around in the backyard until we were worn out from all of the days’ excitement. Reality hit both my wife and me as we tucked ourselves into bed about two minutes before the little pup started yelping – for the REST OF THE NIGHT! That wasn’t what I was looking for in a pet, but one can’t just buy the cute part of the puppy – it’s all or nothing. Teaching children is no different. Like it or not, all of our students come complete with parents, and the best teachers – in other words, teachers at ZMS – learn how to create a partnership with those parents.

So choose methods of communication that suit you, and let parents know how you plan to contact them and how they should go about contacting you. When choosing whether and when to communicate, err on the side of providing too much information. Enjoy the reverence that you will receive as a result. Appreciate how much easier it is to contact parents after your experience with it increases.

Congratulations on your new puppy! Take good care of her!